


Babydaddy

by FayJay



Series: The Adventures of John Gabriel Winchester, the Messiah [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-04
Updated: 2009-05-04
Packaged: 2017-10-02 08:58:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FayJay/pseuds/FayJay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is pure, unbridled crackfic. And then some.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Babydaddy

"But how?"

"I don't know! I have no idea!"

"But, Dean..."

"I don't know, okay! Stop looking at me like that!"

"But...okay, did you touch any cursed objects?"

"No! This isn't my first day on the job, Sammy!"

"Or...er...did you eat something weird?"

"Well, I wouldn't swear that that was beef in the taco last night, but - no. Not _weird_ weird."

"Okay. Um. Did you, er..."

"What?"

"Didyouhavesexwithanydemons?"

"Did I...how can you stand there and ask me that?"

"I just..."

"No, Mr I-Bone-Demon-Chicks-Ask-Me-How! No I did not! All my chicks are strictly human-only! Sheesh!"

"...male demons?..."

"What? No! What? No, I didn't screw around with _any_ demons. Jesus!"

"..."

"Oh my God! Don't look at me like that, Sammy! Quit staring at the belly!"

"Sorry! But, Dean - it had to happen somehow. I'm just saying. You're pregnant. Really _very_ pregnant! That's a little...outside the box."

"Damn straight, seeing as how I don't even have a box to start with!"

"..."

"Maybe I just got real fat real quick. Maybe it _was_ the taco."

"Dean."

"Look, I'm just saying! We don't know it's a baby! It might not be a baby! It might be a pie! Or beer! This could be a beer belly...or it might be like on _Alien_ \- maybe while I was asleep some kind of, of facehugger thing came and planted its eggs down my throat in the middle of the night!"

"...and that's supposed to be a better alternative than a baby?"

"Yes! Well..."

"A toothy metallic monster exploding out of your belly over lunch one day is supposed to be better than a baby?"

"Um. Okay, stop with the visuals. Jesus. I think I'm gonna..."

"..."

"..."

"Oh, _gross!_ You can clean that up yourself, dude."

"..."

"Oh my God, Dean. Don't look at me like that. Don't - are you - Dean! Don't cry! Shit! I'm not - okay, I'll clean it up. Look, I'm cleaning it up! It's fine. It's all fine."

"Sorry."

"No, it's fine. It's all gonna be fine, Dean. We'll fix this."

"..."

"..."

"I'm kind of...I'm not _scared_, Sammy, but...you got to admit, this is pretty freaky. Even for us. Um."

"It's going to be okay, Dean. I promise. We'll take care of it."

"...okay."

"..."

"..."

"SHIT! Where did you come from?"

"Heaven, Samuel. Originally. Most recently, however, Uzbekistan. Ah, Dean. Good."

"Castiel? Did you hear about...?"

"Ah. Yes."

"Help?"

"Dean, you may recall that I told you my Father had a plan? And that you were a vital part of His plan?"

"...?"

"Are you...Dean, why is he kneeling? He's kneeling! What are you kneeling for?"

"Cas? Cas?"

"Hail, Dean, full of grace. Blessed art thou among men, and blessed is the fruit of thy loins, John."

"..."

"..."

"...John?"

"Yes, I thought we could name our child after your father. And of course the blessed Saint John the Baptist."

"...YOUR child? Have you two...is there something you want to tell me, Dean?"

"Shut up, Sammy! Gimme a minute!"

"..."

"So, Cas, when you said you didn't need to wear a condom, and when I thought that was because angels were STD-free...that wasn't what you meant, was it?"

"No, Dean. No, we have created a new Messiah. It is a blessed day. I hope he has your eyes. You have very nice eyes."

"..."

"...what? Stop looking at me like that, Sam!"

"Dude!"

"Look, you asked about male demons! _Demons!_ You didn't ask about male angels! How was I supposed to know?"

"Dude!"

"You seem a little upset, Dean."

"Well, duh! You totally knocked me up! I thought we were just - you know. I thought we were having fun. I thought you _dug_ me. And it was just orders? And you didn't even _tell_ me?"

"I was following orders, Dean. But also, I do "dig" you."

"Bullshit."

"I am afraid your hormones are making you emotional. Here, have a handkerchief."

"...thank you. But I'm still mad at you."

"Didn't you enjoy last night?"

"It was great! It was really, very surprisingly great! Apart from the whole _getting me pregnant_ part!"

"I see. But, Dean, our baby will save the world!"

"Not helping."

"And I do "dig" you, Dean. Very much indeed."

"..."

"..."

"Look, guys, maybe I should just step outside? I think I'm going to step outside. Um. I'm not real comfortable with the whole - right. Right. Well, you go on with the disturbing kissing stuff, and I'll be outside, sticking forks in my eyes."

FINIS


End file.
